SPANTS SPANTS SPANTS
A Cock Legacy

THIS FAMILY HAS BEEN WORKING IN THE COCK MINES FOR TEN GENERATIONS

WE ROSE WITH THE COCK CROW BEFORE ANYONE ELSE EVEN KNEW THEY COULD DO THAT

YOU CAN GO TO THE COCKSMITH FOR AN ARTIFICIAL COCK IF YOU WANT BUT I’LL TAKE MINE NATURAL AND PESTICIDE FREE, THANK YOU

Getting Branded

I remember being younger and reading Frank Miller and Geoff Darrow’s “Hard Boiled.” it was about a near-future corporate assassin robot.

One of the major features of the future was people with really awful tattoos of corporate logos and properties. “Coca-Cola” on a cheek, etc.

I remember thinking “This is neat, but people would never actually do that. That’s dumb. Who would get ‘Rolex’ or ‘Burger King’ tattoos?”

 

 

W E L P.

Doing Your Own Thing

Today, I have a script to review, some concept art to send, and some comics to both mail and draw.

Now is the best possible time in history to be a cartoonist Doing Your Own Thing. It’s not easy, but man oh man is it satisfying.

Start small (People say shit like that because it’s true). Put your comics on tumblr. Hand some photocopied minis out at cons. Make friends.

Making a living as a creative professional will never be EASY, but the hurdles have never been lower, folks. Work at it.

Being a full time, living-wage artist will probably not happen right away. If Picasso couldn’t pull it off, you shouldn’t expect to, either.

Just realize if you’re in school for comics, you’re majoring in self-employment. Don’t let that sneak up on you.

IDK, it’s just sometimes I get these “Well, yeah, it’s easy for YOU” comments about being in comics and NO GUYS, IT WASN’T. IT WAS HARD.

I draw a meandering monochromatic comic about a distant relation of Toon Town from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” I assure you, IT WAS NOT EASY

The Sims 3 and Spike

Oh, Sims 3. I’m a world-famous vampire murderess, but what winds up labeling me “publicly disgraced” is a child born out of wedlock? Really?

Funnily enough, I sued the rumormonger for slander, and WON. I like to imagine me bouncing my little bastard on my hip during proceedings.

"A child out of wedlock, your honor!? It’s offensive! it’s INSULTING! I demand compensat- hold on, diaper change. Hey, can I pump in here?"

The nice thing about the “tsunami skeptics” that are popping up is that they prove, for some, no amount of evidence will EVER be enough.

Some think the tsunami effects are exaggerated/faked. That rush of bile in your throat? Identical to what I feel w/moon landing skeptics.

THOSE SCENES OF UTTER DEVASTATION ARE JUST TOO CLEAN. PHOTOSHOP!!!!

Spike’s subconscious hates her

Wow, thanks for that incredibly realistic “My husband is slowly dying of a terrible degenerative disease” dream, brain.

I dunno which part I like best, the part where we planned his funeral or when he was too weak to comfort me during my horrible crying jags.

The final flourish? The absurdist last scene when docs discovered his disease was due to drinking outta a can cozy printed with 1s and 0s.

See, that nerdy decorative patten was deprogramming his brain. If he stopped, he might get better. Dig the symbolism outta THAT one, world.

RuPaul’s Drag Race

Oh my goooooooood Shangela GO HOME GO HOME GO HOME#rupaulsdragrace

Your dress, holy shit WTF, RuPaul obviously inexplicably loves you and that is the only reason you have survived this long #rupaulsdragrace

PS a rhinestone skeleton arm necklace? I♥U Raja, took me a while to warm up to your queen bee ‘tude/ genederfuck look, tho #rupaulsdragrace

Please knock off the “Heathers” thing, it makes me want to punch you out, bitchy high school girl antics are not rad.#rupaulsdragrace

Today in “How outta touch ARE print cartoonists?” Scott Adams compares women to children and the mentally handicapped.

Not ALL women, just the ones annoyed by inequality. Ignore their whining, advises Scott! Cuz there’s just no reasoning with ‘em. ( o_o)-b

Hey Scott, when did Dave Sim let you out of the the couch cushion fort?! By GOD, get on that saucepan helmet, there are COOTIES out here!

LED Shirts

Why don’t I like light-up shirts/shirts with LEDs? I mean just across the board don’t like them. I usually don’t care what people wear, but.

The simple answer is “They look cheesy,” but WHY do I think they look cheesy? THIS OPINION MUST BE EXAMINED.

why do you think Spike hates LED shirts so much?

This title was going to reference the band The Pretenders, but I don’t know any pretenders songs

Scripting Poorcraft, reading about pretenders. Pretenders are claimants to abolished/occupied royal thrones. I find ‘em curiously funny/sad.

Like the squabbling Russian houses, for example. One claimant is supposedly disqualified, because she’s the result of a morganatic marriage.

That’s a marriage between two people of uneven social rank. Yes, the make-believe royal houses of Russia actually care about this. Amazing.

"YOU can’t be heir, your mom didn’t have a inherited title stripped of its wealth, power and meaning like MINE did!"

Funny. But also sinister. Pretenders are lying in wait, hoping things get just fucked up enough that the people consider monarchies again.

And cuz I’m a media casualty, I just picture them all pouting and stomping around, screaming at you to not WAKE THE DRAGON. #gameofthrones