SPANTS SPANTS SPANTS
Black people, am I right?

Preface: Spike was sick and has just missed a con and is angry. LET’S START THE SHOW

Because I’m already pissed off I’m watching an ep. of Nightline called “Why Can’t Black Women Find a Man?” This oughta be fuckin’ good.

I’ve never had any trouble. I married at 25, which is actually kinda young, these days. But I’m sure white guys don’t count, right?

Sherri Shepherd?! The moron from The View who thinks nothing existed before Christians and that the Earth is flat?! SHE’S NOT EVEN MARRIED.

Maybe you’re not married because it’s immoral to marry mental invertebrates

"Why can’t women find the man of their dreams?" Y’mean handsome, 180 IQ princes with chocolate plantations & beer can dicks? Check Etsy.

This Jimi Izrael guy is obsessed with not measuring up to Denzel Washington. Christ, he wrote a book about it. Being his GF must be SUPER.

"Sweetie, isn’t it your turn to do the laundry?" "GOD DAMN IT WOMAN I AM NOT DENZEL WASHINGTON" *ends relationship, writes book about you*

Jimi yells he is not Denzel, then immediately says being asked to be comfortable when his woman de-wigs is “Asking a lot.” Bwuh??

Steve Harvey says his “DNA” won’t let him tolerate your silly womanly behavior. Steve Harvey has also been married three times. Rolleyes.

Mmm oh yes broad, sweeping statements about what A MAN is, this is entirely helpful and not at all an excuse for being a shitty boyfriend

"Are we losing too many good men to women of other races?" Ahaha. Ever notice interracial dating is always presented as a male-only option?

And it’s always presented like a leak in a fucking boat. OH SHIT THE S.S. NEGRO RACE IS TAKING ON WHITE LADIES, BAIL, BAIL, MAN THE PUMPS

HOW DID ALL THESE WHITE LADIES GET IN. They are in the cornmeal and lime juice, we will never find the Northwest Passage at this rate.

CAPTAIN THEY’VE MARRIED THE CREW

Dudes on the panel are urging women to “recognize potential” instead of achievement exclusively. Is there a freshness date on that, fellas?

It’s one thing when you’re 20 and trying to get your act together. It’s another if you’re 35. And another if you’re 50.

Their example: Michelle Obama recognizing potential in Barack. Imagine that, suspecting potential in a HARVARD GRAD. GOOD CATCH, SHELLY.

Sherri Shepard’s closing statement: “I’m not ready to go over and take a dip in the snow just yet.” MORON! Digivolve to: SMALL-MINDED moron!

Guh.

Man. Calling yourself “black” has clearly come to mean a lot more than a descriptive of visible African ancestry.

Australian aborigines claiming it, okay, that’s not TOO challenging for me. But a Lebanese kid from Copenhagen? http://is.gd/bFiWU

Kinda makes me wonder what the word’s evolving in to. Something like “The White Man curbstomps me on the regular,” from the sound of things

I also wonder if the re-purposing of “black” is easier where there aren’t a lot of people of African descent to get on your case about it.

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